4/10/07 - Spring has sprung?
Well, it seems that this is my 'monthly post'. Not what I had in mind, but life seems to be dictating that this be the pattern. So its April! Yay! Spring! NOT. Its freezing! We had some nice days and then BLAM! Winter again. But it hasn't been all a loss, Ive discovered three very important things in the process.
1) Looking forward to the warmth made me forget something, allergies, for the few days it was warm and the plants started to bloom (insert sounds of birds chirping here!) - seasonal allergies do not make lung problems any better. So here I am, finally getting what I have been looking for....some warm weather and I get allergies.
2) Worse than that is when the progression reverts back to winter, that sucks too. I've been over it ad nauseum of how bad cold air is when your trying to breathe. So all of a sudden, back to this! AND the knowledge that when it re-warms up that I have to start ALL OVER AGAIN. So now its back to cold and I'm not happy, but the rapid change in temps brings us to....
3) Getting a cold when you have COPD is a horrible thing! Yes, with everyone sick as they will get when Mom Nature cant seem to make her mind up, for them its a few days of sniffles - but for me........its an extravaganza! I guess I should be partially to blame, when looking over the literature given about managing COPD they had a suggestion that I get a flu and pneumococcal vaccine and i summarily dismissed it. I should know, lately if I make some sort of definitive decision regarding my health - it's dead wrong. So I should learn to just do the opposite of what I think.
Otherwise, I have discovered that it has become almost impossible to continue a job that I previously used to do due to the overall strenuous nature of the work. This may also have seemed like a no-brainer, but its been a while and what can I say? I'm thick headed and stupid. Now its not like I've attempted to go back to masonry or construction, I'm not an overt idiot - no my stupidity is much more subtle. This is a job with no heavy lifting, but (as I forgot) involves pretty much hours and hours of walking. So when do I discover this is a bad idea? In the middle of Day 1. What can I say? Timing is everything. I don't even know where to begin, I am about as educated as one can be regarding this condition and yet I still run into things I can no longer do - while I'm in the process of doing them! I can only imagine that this is part of my personality that is rebelling against my seemingly increasing list of things that I can't do. So maybe I'm not as evolved as I fancy myself.
I also have availed myself of group therapy and have discovered that I have problems at odd intervals. As an example, while most of the people (all of a similar background) are discussing how small events trigger 9/11 mental pathology, I tend to be more occupied with how much that particular person is aggravating me by being weak or whiny. Now this is group! Whats wrong with me? These people are supposed to be able to come here (a safe place) and tell everyone what they are afraid of , or what they feel or what makes them think what, and they piss me off. That's not normal. Its actually bothersome to me, I strive to help people through my charitable works and here I sit amongst my supposed peers angry that these people have allowed this event to cripple their lives. Those two stated goals would seem to be at odds with one another. I spoke to a friend of mine before who's been battling cancer for some time and he inspires me so much, you can tell by talking to him that he would rather walk around Times Square in a dress than let this illness sparked by this event turn him into an emotional mess. Why cant I find a group comprised of these people? Probably because my buddy doesn't need group, and what does that say about me? Maybe that's what troubles me! That I'm mentally somewhere between basket case and an inspiration to others. Or that after taking a week off from the group that I allowed the moderators to call and coax me to come back and couldn't just be decisive enough to say that these simps piss me off and because of that it stirs up more than it soothes and I really don't have the time for the added distraction!
Oh well, for better or worse, that's where I'm at. So I'll try to write more often, in the meantime I'm going to attempt to compose some posts that are less angry, lest you all think me psychotic.
1) Looking forward to the warmth made me forget something, allergies, for the few days it was warm and the plants started to bloom (insert sounds of birds chirping here!) - seasonal allergies do not make lung problems any better. So here I am, finally getting what I have been looking for....some warm weather and I get allergies.
2) Worse than that is when the progression reverts back to winter, that sucks too. I've been over it ad nauseum of how bad cold air is when your trying to breathe. So all of a sudden, back to this! AND the knowledge that when it re-warms up that I have to start ALL OVER AGAIN. So now its back to cold and I'm not happy, but the rapid change in temps brings us to....
3) Getting a cold when you have COPD is a horrible thing! Yes, with everyone sick as they will get when Mom Nature cant seem to make her mind up, for them its a few days of sniffles - but for me........its an extravaganza! I guess I should be partially to blame, when looking over the literature given about managing COPD they had a suggestion that I get a flu and pneumococcal vaccine and i summarily dismissed it. I should know, lately if I make some sort of definitive decision regarding my health - it's dead wrong. So I should learn to just do the opposite of what I think.
Otherwise, I have discovered that it has become almost impossible to continue a job that I previously used to do due to the overall strenuous nature of the work. This may also have seemed like a no-brainer, but its been a while and what can I say? I'm thick headed and stupid. Now its not like I've attempted to go back to masonry or construction, I'm not an overt idiot - no my stupidity is much more subtle. This is a job with no heavy lifting, but (as I forgot) involves pretty much hours and hours of walking. So when do I discover this is a bad idea? In the middle of Day 1. What can I say? Timing is everything. I don't even know where to begin, I am about as educated as one can be regarding this condition and yet I still run into things I can no longer do - while I'm in the process of doing them! I can only imagine that this is part of my personality that is rebelling against my seemingly increasing list of things that I can't do. So maybe I'm not as evolved as I fancy myself.
I also have availed myself of group therapy and have discovered that I have problems at odd intervals. As an example, while most of the people (all of a similar background) are discussing how small events trigger 9/11 mental pathology, I tend to be more occupied with how much that particular person is aggravating me by being weak or whiny. Now this is group! Whats wrong with me? These people are supposed to be able to come here (a safe place) and tell everyone what they are afraid of , or what they feel or what makes them think what, and they piss me off. That's not normal. Its actually bothersome to me, I strive to help people through my charitable works and here I sit amongst my supposed peers angry that these people have allowed this event to cripple their lives. Those two stated goals would seem to be at odds with one another. I spoke to a friend of mine before who's been battling cancer for some time and he inspires me so much, you can tell by talking to him that he would rather walk around Times Square in a dress than let this illness sparked by this event turn him into an emotional mess. Why cant I find a group comprised of these people? Probably because my buddy doesn't need group, and what does that say about me? Maybe that's what troubles me! That I'm mentally somewhere between basket case and an inspiration to others. Or that after taking a week off from the group that I allowed the moderators to call and coax me to come back and couldn't just be decisive enough to say that these simps piss me off and because of that it stirs up more than it soothes and I really don't have the time for the added distraction!
Oh well, for better or worse, that's where I'm at. So I'll try to write more often, in the meantime I'm going to attempt to compose some posts that are less angry, lest you all think me psychotic.
posted by Iloveny_marf @ 12:51 PM
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