4/16/07 - Frustration
I'm officially frustrated. We (as in the Charity) have been trying to pull off another event on the campus of SJU for this semester (which is rapidly drawing to a close) and as of tomorrow, will be the second day that it will be cancelled due to weather.
Officially, I blame myself. My health has kept me from being the overwhelming pain in the ass needed to push people along to get things done like I have in the past, and not surprisingly, nothing has gotten done. I'm frustrated. I believed that the students were as motivated as I was to make a real difference, but if I don't act like a nagging wife, they don't motivate on their own. I'm frustrated that on the other side are people who are just clamoring around with, either their own agendas or are in a different place and don't understand that not everyone has the time and resources to donate to this cause.
Overall I'm frustrated because it seems I am in the middle of all this. I'm more motivated than the some, less available than others and apparently less capable than the rest. I find myself trying to motivate those I placed trust in to get the job done and they have proven unworthy of that trust. I find myself shamed by the actions of others - even though I know that our schedules dictate that I cannot do as much as those I compare myself to. And I find myself stressed by others whom are looking to me to solve problems ranging from ticket sales, marketing strategies and recouping monies that they 'put up'. And - I seem to be able to do none-of-the-above. Now I know why this plight of the sick 9/11 exposure victim remains unsolved - too many personalities to meld together to get anything done. So I write this post with my hands up in the air - looking for answers.
On a positive note (or so I think) - in re reading my last post, it gave me the strength to not go back to group. I finally called the moderators and informed them that, in my opinion, I would be more harmful to the group than helpful, they disagreed, but I stuck to what I felt was right. So in that regard, I see progress. Now if I can find a way to moderate out what everyone is looking for me to do, balance that with motivating those I need to motivate and my declining health - ill be fine.
I have a docs appointment tomorrow and I'm hoping that he has something to add to the regime, because the shortness of breath is getting worse.
Officially, I blame myself. My health has kept me from being the overwhelming pain in the ass needed to push people along to get things done like I have in the past, and not surprisingly, nothing has gotten done. I'm frustrated. I believed that the students were as motivated as I was to make a real difference, but if I don't act like a nagging wife, they don't motivate on their own. I'm frustrated that on the other side are people who are just clamoring around with, either their own agendas or are in a different place and don't understand that not everyone has the time and resources to donate to this cause.
Overall I'm frustrated because it seems I am in the middle of all this. I'm more motivated than the some, less available than others and apparently less capable than the rest. I find myself trying to motivate those I placed trust in to get the job done and they have proven unworthy of that trust. I find myself shamed by the actions of others - even though I know that our schedules dictate that I cannot do as much as those I compare myself to. And I find myself stressed by others whom are looking to me to solve problems ranging from ticket sales, marketing strategies and recouping monies that they 'put up'. And - I seem to be able to do none-of-the-above. Now I know why this plight of the sick 9/11 exposure victim remains unsolved - too many personalities to meld together to get anything done. So I write this post with my hands up in the air - looking for answers.
On a positive note (or so I think) - in re reading my last post, it gave me the strength to not go back to group. I finally called the moderators and informed them that, in my opinion, I would be more harmful to the group than helpful, they disagreed, but I stuck to what I felt was right. So in that regard, I see progress. Now if I can find a way to moderate out what everyone is looking for me to do, balance that with motivating those I need to motivate and my declining health - ill be fine.
I have a docs appointment tomorrow and I'm hoping that he has something to add to the regime, because the shortness of breath is getting worse.
posted by Iloveny_marf @ 8:42 PM
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