12/25/06 - Holiday Disaster(s)
MERRY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
That's as good as it got for me on Christmas morning. I've always been one who gets more joy out of giving than receiving (in fact getting gifts always makes me a bit uncomfortable) - but to see the look on peoples faces after getting them something that they love, THAT'S what the holidays area all about!
Not this year though. This year the look on my 'other-half's' face was horrible. Pissed doesn't seem to cover it. AND to make matters worse - I was showered with great, well thought out gifts. I feel like a worthless piece of shit. The gift certificate idea as a gift was as well received as a narc at a biker rally. And this isn't just 'a feeling' I got by watching a reaction......it was spelled out in no uncertain terms. (Not helping that shit feeling) However this is the beginning of a crappy holiday week.
This year my other-half and I decided to take a bit of a vacation and not be in NY for the holidays. Be somewhere a bit warmer for the holidays. To keep costs down, we picked the south east and driving was the means of travel. So we set out a few days before Christmas day and drove due south. Driving down I-95 for basically 2 days with a stop over for a few hours of sleep, as I found out is stressful and exhausting. (Now once again we come to the point where some reading this may have that 'well-duh' reaction.....but I've driven long distances before and over the same stretch of road, at times on only 2 wheels! and I've never been this exhausted.) So this is going on the list of things that one doesn't immediately think of when thinking of reduced lifestyle due to respiratory impairment. I think maybe someday I'll compile the "Dummies Guide to COPD" and have a large chapter dedicated to 'Shit you didn't think of - but wont be able to do anymore".
Once we reached our final destination, which was picked in large part for the ability to do 'nothing' for a week; I figured that I would be able to 'slow down' and recoup a bit. Now maybe some backing up is deserved here. Primary to taking a trip these days; there must be a dedicated bag (and not a small one either) to medications and medication delivery systems. Bottles of pills, bags of vitamins and supplements, inhallers, and the entire nebulizer kit-and-kabbodle. This took up the room of a bag I had formally used to go on a 4 day trip.
So the drive down was both stressful and long, but in looking back on it; it also is complicated by the fact that during those days of driving, I am not able to use my nebulizer which contributes to the overall shortness of breath. So in retrospect maybe we need to look for some sort of car adaptor for the nebulizer machine. (In fairness, my other-half did suggest that I take the machine out and use it while in rest stops - however my vanity would not allow me to do this) So we arrived at our destination, very nice accommodations where the 'services' are supposed to be among the draw and I'm holding on to this 'meds bag' for dear life. Poor baggage men trying to wrestle this away from me and do their jobs - all the while I'm looking for an outlet and some degree of privacy to be able to nebulize. Entering the room I promptly cracked the nebulizer out of the bag and began a treatment, starting to calm down. When knock, knock, knock the bellman is at the door with the rest of the luggage. (I've found that nebulizing is a private thing, to be shared at most with a spouse and/or close friend. I think it's the inherent show of absolute weakness that you feel when your sitting there tethered to a steaming air line.) So this helpful bellman now wants to try to be as friendly as he can and welcome us to our new surroundings, all the while I nod and steam.
After the initial settling in process, we began to try to 'get into vacation' mode; while I discover that 'sleeping late' for me now ends at 8am. This wasn't noticed before because there was always something that I needed get up early for; first it was school and then even once finals were over it was to cook breakfast and get things ready for the other-half before work. Now - its supposed to be vacation; time to sleep late ! Right? {Insert Reality Check Here} Nope. By 8am I'm so short of breath that I need to get up and start the medication regime for the day which means all kinds of short and long acting bronco-dialators. All of which have one common side effect - extreme jitters. See like everything in life, rarely does something simply act on what you want it to act on. In this case, the medication that opens up air passages also causes very rapid heart rate. (In short, for anyone wondering what this has to do with vacation - it means that once 8am rolls around and I have to get up and start the medications; I aint going back to sleep) So scratch 'sleeping late' and 'naps' off the vacation plans.
Now something else that needs to be adjusted is doing too much moving around, and what's one thing that people usually do on vacation? Sightsee. And what's involved in most 'sightseeing'? Walking. Walking = SOB. SOB = Not good. So, in a place where I've never been before and more than likely won't be coming back to, sightseeing is among the casualties. Now here's something else to consider - its not just my vacation, so I have an obligation to keep the plans and hopes of others in my mind. But at what cost? And where is it line? Where is the point of me being selfish as opposed to me being stupid? I can tell you this much, I haven't found out on this trip so far, and I have a feeling that every trip will be different. So far the variables are temperature, distance, method of traversing that distance and activities planned while at your destination (not to mention altitude - which is what got this whole ball rolling in the first place).
So the trip back home looms before me now and well as New Years Eve and Day. If I don't get a chance to say so before - HAPPY NEW YEAR.
That's as good as it got for me on Christmas morning. I've always been one who gets more joy out of giving than receiving (in fact getting gifts always makes me a bit uncomfortable) - but to see the look on peoples faces after getting them something that they love, THAT'S what the holidays area all about!
Not this year though. This year the look on my 'other-half's' face was horrible. Pissed doesn't seem to cover it. AND to make matters worse - I was showered with great, well thought out gifts. I feel like a worthless piece of shit. The gift certificate idea as a gift was as well received as a narc at a biker rally. And this isn't just 'a feeling' I got by watching a reaction......it was spelled out in no uncertain terms. (Not helping that shit feeling) However this is the beginning of a crappy holiday week.
This year my other-half and I decided to take a bit of a vacation and not be in NY for the holidays. Be somewhere a bit warmer for the holidays. To keep costs down, we picked the south east and driving was the means of travel. So we set out a few days before Christmas day and drove due south. Driving down I-95 for basically 2 days with a stop over for a few hours of sleep, as I found out is stressful and exhausting. (Now once again we come to the point where some reading this may have that 'well-duh' reaction.....but I've driven long distances before and over the same stretch of road, at times on only 2 wheels! and I've never been this exhausted.) So this is going on the list of things that one doesn't immediately think of when thinking of reduced lifestyle due to respiratory impairment. I think maybe someday I'll compile the "Dummies Guide to COPD" and have a large chapter dedicated to 'Shit you didn't think of - but wont be able to do anymore".
Once we reached our final destination, which was picked in large part for the ability to do 'nothing' for a week; I figured that I would be able to 'slow down' and recoup a bit. Now maybe some backing up is deserved here. Primary to taking a trip these days; there must be a dedicated bag (and not a small one either) to medications and medication delivery systems. Bottles of pills, bags of vitamins and supplements, inhallers, and the entire nebulizer kit-and-kabbodle. This took up the room of a bag I had formally used to go on a 4 day trip.
So the drive down was both stressful and long, but in looking back on it; it also is complicated by the fact that during those days of driving, I am not able to use my nebulizer which contributes to the overall shortness of breath. So in retrospect maybe we need to look for some sort of car adaptor for the nebulizer machine. (In fairness, my other-half did suggest that I take the machine out and use it while in rest stops - however my vanity would not allow me to do this) So we arrived at our destination, very nice accommodations where the 'services' are supposed to be among the draw and I'm holding on to this 'meds bag' for dear life. Poor baggage men trying to wrestle this away from me and do their jobs - all the while I'm looking for an outlet and some degree of privacy to be able to nebulize. Entering the room I promptly cracked the nebulizer out of the bag and began a treatment, starting to calm down. When knock, knock, knock the bellman is at the door with the rest of the luggage. (I've found that nebulizing is a private thing, to be shared at most with a spouse and/or close friend. I think it's the inherent show of absolute weakness that you feel when your sitting there tethered to a steaming air line.) So this helpful bellman now wants to try to be as friendly as he can and welcome us to our new surroundings, all the while I nod and steam.
After the initial settling in process, we began to try to 'get into vacation' mode; while I discover that 'sleeping late' for me now ends at 8am. This wasn't noticed before because there was always something that I needed get up early for; first it was school and then even once finals were over it was to cook breakfast and get things ready for the other-half before work. Now - its supposed to be vacation; time to sleep late ! Right? {Insert Reality Check Here} Nope. By 8am I'm so short of breath that I need to get up and start the medication regime for the day which means all kinds of short and long acting bronco-dialators. All of which have one common side effect - extreme jitters. See like everything in life, rarely does something simply act on what you want it to act on. In this case, the medication that opens up air passages also causes very rapid heart rate. (In short, for anyone wondering what this has to do with vacation - it means that once 8am rolls around and I have to get up and start the medications; I aint going back to sleep) So scratch 'sleeping late' and 'naps' off the vacation plans.
Now something else that needs to be adjusted is doing too much moving around, and what's one thing that people usually do on vacation? Sightsee. And what's involved in most 'sightseeing'? Walking. Walking = SOB. SOB = Not good. So, in a place where I've never been before and more than likely won't be coming back to, sightseeing is among the casualties. Now here's something else to consider - its not just my vacation, so I have an obligation to keep the plans and hopes of others in my mind. But at what cost? And where is it line? Where is the point of me being selfish as opposed to me being stupid? I can tell you this much, I haven't found out on this trip so far, and I have a feeling that every trip will be different. So far the variables are temperature, distance, method of traversing that distance and activities planned while at your destination (not to mention altitude - which is what got this whole ball rolling in the first place).
So the trip back home looms before me now and well as New Years Eve and Day. If I don't get a chance to say so before - HAPPY NEW YEAR.
posted by Iloveny_marf @ 7:26 PM
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